Sunday, April 26, 2015

On Edge

Over the past few weeks I've felt this bubbling emotion in the pit of my stomach, not quite sure what it was. I always try and keep my feelings at bay, but recent events made me boil over in the worst way.
Today, to put it simply, was shitty. It seemed like I was going a million miles an hour at work, yet running in constant circles. I felt cut off, excluded, and distant from everyone else. I thought it was just a bad day on the job, but things only spiraled from there.
My laptop has been broken for a couple months now, and after multiple attempts at getting it fixed I finally thought someone had done the job right. I excitedly took my macbook home, turned it on, and find out that nothing had changed- my laptop and my heart were broken. Here's the thing, I have two papers to type by Tuesday, final projects up the wazoo, and other odds and ends that all require the use of a computer. I'm not trying to sound like a spoiled drama queen, but this was the absolute worst time to have technology problems. 
So, let me just start by saying- I'm not one who cries a lot. I actually hate crying, especially in front of other people. So I waited until my family left for lunch, listened for the front door to click closed, and sobbed my damn eyes out. 
I have not felt this defeated in a long time, and I realize now that it has nothing to do with the current events of my day- I'm in a slump. I'm constantly a slew of different emotions, lashing out at people for no particular reason. I feel like I can't accomplish anything, my procrastination is at an all time high. I feel hopeless, restless, lost. The stress of finals, plus this one particularly bad day just set me into the deep end. I'm in this funk that I just cannot seem to shake, and I want out. 
Nothing is private on this blog, and I love being able to share my true thoughts with those who are willing to listen. So I decided to write this post to ask you all what helps you stay motivated? What keeps you happy? What do you do when you feel like your nerves are shot, and your heart could use a break? I'd love to read your comments, that means you guys haven't abandoned me just yet. 

Also, this picture is the perfect representation of how I felt today..
Love always, 
xoxo Hill


  1. Hillary, these days come often for me. Honestly, a good cry usually helps me & then when (if ever) I'm alone or maybe even in the shower I scream out a couple f-bombs. It's not pretty but it releases something... Frustration, sadness, overwhelmed thoughts & emotions, all of it. Seriously they have to come out sometime & I would rather not explode all over my family, which unfortunately happens too. Work was the most frustrating day I have had since I started. It was not good. Your not alone on that one!! Every once in awhile I just had to laugh. I'm pretty sure that has become my "socially acceptable" way to deal with bad days, emotions & frustration. Long response I know. I just want you to know that it's ok. The good, the bad, it all has to happen for us to appreciate the difference. No I'm not Oprah, I just feel very strongly that whatever we take in, we have let out. When it's bad we just have to know it will be good again!!! love your spirit

    1. Oh, Gina. How I love you so. I can't wait to take a shower tonight and really let my shampoo and conditioner get a piece of my mind. Thank you for always being so sweet, and more then anything- so utterly happy go lucky. I'm happier just being in your presence.