Sunday, April 26, 2015

On Edge

Over the past few weeks I've felt this bubbling emotion in the pit of my stomach, not quite sure what it was. I always try and keep my feelings at bay, but recent events made me boil over in the worst way.
Today, to put it simply, was shitty. It seemed like I was going a million miles an hour at work, yet running in constant circles. I felt cut off, excluded, and distant from everyone else. I thought it was just a bad day on the job, but things only spiraled from there.
My laptop has been broken for a couple months now, and after multiple attempts at getting it fixed I finally thought someone had done the job right. I excitedly took my macbook home, turned it on, and find out that nothing had changed- my laptop and my heart were broken. Here's the thing, I have two papers to type by Tuesday, final projects up the wazoo, and other odds and ends that all require the use of a computer. I'm not trying to sound like a spoiled drama queen, but this was the absolute worst time to have technology problems. 
So, let me just start by saying- I'm not one who cries a lot. I actually hate crying, especially in front of other people. So I waited until my family left for lunch, listened for the front door to click closed, and sobbed my damn eyes out. 
I have not felt this defeated in a long time, and I realize now that it has nothing to do with the current events of my day- I'm in a slump. I'm constantly a slew of different emotions, lashing out at people for no particular reason. I feel like I can't accomplish anything, my procrastination is at an all time high. I feel hopeless, restless, lost. The stress of finals, plus this one particularly bad day just set me into the deep end. I'm in this funk that I just cannot seem to shake, and I want out. 
Nothing is private on this blog, and I love being able to share my true thoughts with those who are willing to listen. So I decided to write this post to ask you all what helps you stay motivated? What keeps you happy? What do you do when you feel like your nerves are shot, and your heart could use a break? I'd love to read your comments, that means you guys haven't abandoned me just yet. 

Also, this picture is the perfect representation of how I felt today..
Love always, 
xoxo Hill