Thursday, March 12, 2015

I'm In Love With ( Many ) Strangers

I have this theory that because I do not love easily in real life, I have to over compensate for it in this alternate universe I have made up in my head. Think of this as a list of all the men I will consider as husband material if polygamy ever becomes legal- including the dead ones, I don't discriminate against ghosts. In other words, if I were famous and pulled a Taylor Swift, this would be the compilation of all my victims. Love is a battlefield, homie. 
Elvis Presley
I would be willing to settle for "nothin' but a hound dog" if he looks like this. I have actual hair envy from this stud, the flow is unreal. His face doesn't hurt either.

Marlon Brando
HE LOOKS LIKE A KEN DOLL AND THAT IS JUST WHAT I NEED IN MY LIFE!

Ryan Gosling
I think anyone with a beating heart has a crush on Gosling, he's just the cutest. I feel like we could go chop lumber in the woods, and then eat pancakes together. I mean, look at that giggle! I could cry.

Aaron Taylor-Johnson
I have been in love with him ever since he was on this terrible Nickelodeon movie, in which I specifically bought on iTunes so I could stare at his face forever.

Leonardo Dicaprio
Never liked him until I saw Wolf of Wall Street, and let me just tell you that movie made me a believer. A man who never ages should be with a woman who already is getting forehead wrinkles at age 22- like me. We would be unstoppable. 

Rob Lowe
This boy had my heart back when he was a greaser in The Outsiders, and still holds it today even as a hot old guy. That smile is what dreams are made of.

Zac Efron
This is kind of an obligatory contender. I have loved him from the beginning, even when he was twelve and on a bad sitcom. He is the embodiment of puberty hitting someone like a goddamn train.  

Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake
Although I love both JT and Fallon equally, I really only want them as a combo. They share this bromance that is unmatchable in the celebrity world. Talented in all areas: singers, dancers, actors, comedians, being hot as hell. Who wouldn't want to be the peanut butter in that hunk sandwich? 

Zayn Malik
If you know me, you are aware of my ever lasting admiration of all things One Direction. Anyone who thinks it's dumb, hear me out. Look at this scruffy, emotional, voice-god sent from Heaven. You are One Direction's number one fans now- you're welcome. 

Benedict Cumberbatch
He looks like a really sexy alien, and I can dig it. 

Chris Hemsworth
What are two things Hillary loves? Cats and hot guys. So obviously I don't need to go into any further detail. (But really though, Thor can save me from an imploding planet anytime)

Prince Eric
If you can sit there and tell me you didn't once ever think: "Hot damn, that cartoon character is kinda a hottie", then you are now deleted from all my social media. I looked into those crystal blue animated eyes, and the rest is history.

Bradley Cooper
More like 'Bradley Please Cooperate And Marry Me Already'. Ughhh.

Theo James
He's greek, he's tan, he's everything. Theo was my number one man for the longest time, but as of late things have changed...


Charlie Hunnam
I literally can't describe how my body feels when I see his blonde beard, and long hair pulled back in a man bun. It's as if my heart explodes, regroups, then explodes again. That walk, that talk, THAT BACK! I nominate him for the world's sexiest back. Didn't even know I was a fan of a good back until now, and Lord hear me when I say I need that in my life. His smile melts the ice that has long lived inside my soul. One episode into Sons of Anarchy, and I knew that Hunnam had drove his motorcycle right into my heart. I have never wanted to be a biker babe, but now I consider myself one anytime I wear my leather jacket or ride a bicycle. Long live Charlie, long live our completely made up love.

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