It's been three months since I noticed the change. It was gradual at first, slowly trickling into my life bit by bit. I never really notice drastic differences in my life until they are completely obvious, and I feel a bit unsettled by the fact that I didn't acknowledge the changing world around me while I sat still- not making an impact on anything or anyone. I have always told myself I would make a statement, whether it was with another person or a million people, or even just myself. I had this plan, that I was going to be a kind, selfless person. I was going to be healthier, physically and mentally. I was going to dedicate myself to work and school, and I was going to conquer every task that was thrown my way. Then it happened, and it hit my like a slap to the face. I was completely and utterly lost. My life was changing before my eyes and I felt like I was in this constricting vice, struggling to evolve with everyone else. I lost friends, and I didn't know why. I had no motivation for school, and I watched all my peers excelling and knowing what the future had planned for them. There was an unspoken tension at home that constantly put me on edge. I always felt vulnerable, and most of all I was uncomfortable in my own skin. Looking in the mirror was always a cruel trick, making me think I looked presentable one minute and then catching my reflection and actually being repulsed by the image staring back at me. I didn't fall into depression, I never developed an eating disorder, and I didn't swallow pills to mask the scary thoughts of life passing me by. No, I didn't pick up any addictive tendencies, but I did something far worse in my eyes; I stopped living up to my potential. I'm writing this all in past tense because I refuse to make this my life any longer. At this very moment, when I hit the 'publish' button I will be making a promise to not only myself, but to all of you reading, that I am going to try. I'm going to try and make my life the way I want it to be, because I'm young and anything is possible. I am going to put every ounce of my being into what I love, into my friendships, and relationships, into making myself happy. Change is so terrifying in the fact that you don't know what the future holds, but isn't that the beauty of it all? It's like taking that leap of faith off a cliff, suspending yourself thousands of feet above the ground. It's so scary, and then you jump and it's amazing and thrilling. You have to catch your breath because you realize there's always going to be something to catch you. I have this profound mentality that things can only get better from here, and I'm reaching for it and I promise I will get there if it's the last thing I do.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
This past weekend was my initiation into what most Americans would call "adulthood", or for a less prestigious description: my 21st birthday. Ah yes, nothing like embarrassing yourself in public while consuming unsavory amounts of booze and greasy bar food. My 21st could be considered tame compared to the classic drunk movies like "The Hangover" or "Project X"- although I wouldn't mind waking up to a tiger in my room for it would fulfill my dream of becoming Princess Jasmine from Aladdin. Even though I didn't wake up next to Bradley Cooper (I wish) or throw up in the streets of Downtown Omaha (thank you Lord Baby Jesus), I still had quite the adventurous weekend. But instead of writing a long blog post that could potentially put you to sleep, I decided to post photos- yes, photos. It's said that a picture speaks a thousand words, and I am going to present to you the ones that best embody my epic birthday endeavors. Before I begin, I would just like to say that some of these pictures are tragically embarrassing on my part and I am posting them for the entertainment of my readers. I'm so glad you all find my lack of social skills humorous- you're welcome. Now, let's begin.
|Pretty self explanatory, I took this photo at 12:01 AM on Thursday February 20th. This is where the madness began.|
|Precursor to any night out, ESPECIALLY on my birthday is a selfie- duh.|
|Then I started getting drinks, and some shots, and a few more drinks, and a couple more shots...|
The final photos are a public service announcement for the youth. I like to call it "The Progression of Getting Tanked". As you can see, in the first photo I am doing the duck face, typical white girl move. But that's how you can tell the alcohol is kicking in because I am a firm believer in the idea that Satan started this disgusting trend of pushing your lips out in an unsexy way- thus, the drunkness has begun. Then in the second photo, you can clearly see me being a HOT MESS. There was a point during the night where I could physically not keep my head up and my eyes open. I resembled someone who had recently got maced and couldn't open their eyes all the way. The final photo is what I like to call "Oh my God, you are so drunk you are sleeping at the bar and you don't even care that other humans are around judging you". Thankfully, that's where my night ended. I was safely brought home, force fed Mac'n'Cheese, and tucked in which I instantly passed out and most likely snored like a walrus.
On a final more serious note, this post was not meant to be a trashy expose on how I am a quality drinker (because as evidence has shown, I'm not). It's my way of poking fun at myself while letting everyone else in on the joke that is my drinking experience. I am in no way about this life, I was tired for about a week after this whole thing went down and the thought of any kind of vodka made me want to hurl. Although it was a good time, a glass of wine while watching Netflix is more my style. Until next time, I bid you all adieu.