My posts generally revolve around my very sarcastic and dry sense of humor, not to mention my cynical out look on pretty much anything and everything. Many assume I have no depth, not a sensitive bone in my body. Although I joke that I'm an emotionless robot, I feel- maybe even too much. So, why is this important? Why should anyone care about whether or not I am capable of love and affection, of crying? Because this isn't about me, not necessarily. This blog was originally meant for sharing funny little things about my life, but things aren't always funny. Everyone has to maneuver over obstacles in their life, deal with feelings inside that seem way to difficult to overcome. I want to be able to express my thoughts in order to relate to others, whether I help one million people or just one person.You don't have to agree, you don't even have to like what I have to say. Just respect that this is me. I can be goofy and fun, but it's time to be real- it's time to get serious.
I am known for being 'heartless' and never crying when it's appropriate (i.e. during the film "Up", or during the Sara Mclachlan infomercials about abused animals). It's not that I don't find the material sad or upsetting, it's because I have a fear of crying in front of others- of showing my emotions. Crying is so personal, and I see it as a physical release of pain, sadness, sometimes even joy. Although it's natural and completely necessary at times, I loathe the aching vulnerability of it. But I cry. I cry every time I listen to Rosi Golan's "Been a Long Day". I cried every night for a month after my grandma passed away. I am crying right now, as I'm writing this. And even though it can be heartbreaking, make you feel small and insecure, it's necessary. Bottling up emotions will never end with a good outcome. Maybe you're scared to show people your serious side, or you think showing emotion is a sign of weakness. Here's all that I have to offer: live everyday with a strong mind and full heart. Even though it can be scary to open yourself up to idea of pain and suffering, you are also allowing hope and light into your life- to endless possibilities. And to those of you who have no problem acknowledging your emotions, letting your feelings shine on through, remember it's not so easy for everyone. Be kind, be caring, be understanding; you don't know how your words and actions could affect other people. This isn't some hippy article on how we should all love one another, go around dancing and hugging trees. I know that's not realistic, but living every day with a positive outlook and positive thoughts can make a hell of a difference. Learn to embrace your feelings no matter how taunting. Learn to love yourself.