Tuesday, December 3, 2013

I'm Regretting This Already

I have always been overly naive and gullible. The things I let people trick me into believing is so utterly pathetic, I had to share it with my blog peeps (again, do I have peeps??). I'm going to tell you right now that although I consider myself book smart, I lack all kinds of common sense. This in turn, leads to me believing absolutely ANYTHING and EVERYTHING people tell me. Here is a condensed list of the dumbest shit I thought was actually accurate.

  • In second grade, a certain boy told me that he housed a pet giraffe in his garage. I didn't question how he got the giraffe or how it survived our cold Nebraska weather, rather I just wondered if the giraffe ever suffered from a sore neck from being cramped up in a garage.
  • Ever since I saw 'Parent Trap', I believed Lindsay Lohan had an actual twin in real life. I didn't know the actual truth until about two years ago and it literally blew my mind; feel free to judge me on that one.
  • When I was a spunky little girl, I thought you got pregnant by kissing-butt naked. If that was the case, all my Barbies would have been knocked up more times than the mom in '19 Kids and Counting'.
  • A family member (you know who you are) had once told me that there was a "special" kind of gum that let you breathe in space without a helmet. I was so convinced this was true, I used this fact in one of my science projects in fifth grade. Needless to say, I was the laughing stock of the class and my teacher taped a piece of gum onto my project grade sheet (now that I think about it, what a bitchy yet clever move on her part...touché).
  • At the ripe age of thirteen, I believed that a smokey eye was done by literally wearing as much black eyeliner as possible. That means I spent my middle school years looking like a cracked out raccoon prostitute; classy. 
  • The last and most embarrassing fact is one I have never revealed to anyone because it is that dumb. I used to think people got high from smoking cigarettes, so when I walked by anyone smoking I would hold my breath until I was in the clear. Let's all have a big LOL at that one, because honestly what the hell was I thinking??
Please feel free to make me feel less like an idiot and share some of your most gullible moments. I'm sure none will shadow in comparison to what I have once believed in my tragic life.

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